#i really liked this woman and it kinda makes me sad that i'll almost certainly never see her again

[thesmokinpossum]

My uncle just texted me talking about the games he planned for our Christmas dinner and I was about to try to push back because this doesn't sounds pleasant at all but then I remember that his girlfriend of the past 20+ years with whom he was very invested in the childless lifestyle recently dumped his ass for a younger man with full custody of his 3 kids so I guess that if my uncle wants to play some boring musical games I can do that for him

[soviet-siscon]

Ask and you shall receive!

I've been a siscon for a really long time, it's hard to say when it started, she was my first crush. It's hard for me to pinpoint a specific moment, and child me didn't really quite understand that I had a crush on her, since you aren't supposed to do that according to lame people. I think a big part of it, is that she was sort of my idealized form of what a girl was? If that makes sense? Like not in the traditional sense, she was certainly not the traditional ideal of femininity, but, even if I didn't realize it at the time, in a number of ways, she was the type of woman I wanted to be. I have less rose tinted glasses now, but I still really look up to her.

My feelings have grown less intense with time, I know nothing will really happen, but I mean, there are remnants of that crush, but it's there, and it's nice. It's not a painful thing to know I'll almost certainly never be with her, maybe a little, but at the end of the day, I'm her sister, and she's mine, and even if she doesn't know how I feel about her, we're close.

It's weird, and I think different from how I feel about other romance, I wouldn't say it's not romantic feelings, but, it feels different because I've felt it for so long, since childhood, and she's just always been there, and I've long since accepted it won't happen.

On one hand that's sad, definitely, I don't deny that... on the other hand, it's allowed it to grow into a different feeling. Perhaps in another world, me and her could've been together, and that's nice to think, but ultimately, I'm not that unhappy in this world, even if sometimes I wish me and her could talk about it. Ever since I accepted, in part, with some help from you, that it's okay to feel this way, that I can love her without being evil and wrong. I love my sister, and I'm happy with that I think. I don't feel gross, I don't feel that upset that it won't happen, it's just a feeling, that, while not perfect, perhaps sometimes can be a bit sour, it's overall a nice warm feeling.

Thank you for your help, and thank you for listening!

I feel like a lot of people with these feelings can focus on the negative aspects, and I totally get it! But I wanted to share some positivity here, even within that imperfect flawed world where such feelings are taboo.

oh hey I'm really proud of you anon. that's a really emotionally mature perspective that i respect a lot!

you probably already know that it makes me happy hearing I've been helpful to people, I'm really happy that you have a really grounded and good perspective on it. The way you described those feelings is pretty relatable to me and honestly kinda emotional. you write well.

It's funny trying to put a word on feelings, it's a maybe weird but obvious comparison but it reminds me a bit of yuri, where it's about the relationship between girls, not necessarily strictly romance. The feelings about family are complicated and don't really need to be defined or contained if you don't want them to.

I think i probably focus too much on the negative aspects myself honestly, I spend a lot of my time being sad about the past, and i know a lot of my feelings probably stem from things that will never be addressed, so it's really nice hearing your perspective. thank u :)

[in-superbloom]

did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? (a.i.)

right where you left me: prologue

pairing: ashton irwin x olivia jones (oc)

warnings: uhh a kinda grieving theme i guess? but no deaths. it has a sad tone overall, but nothing major (in this chapter hehe). foul language because i can't help myself. the tiniest mention of alcohol, but as a memory. think i should probably warn you that this contains a very sad ash. also not much dialogues. this is mainly for explanation and introduction, but very important for the story. if you find anything else that might be triggering, please let me know so i can add it here !!

author's note: oof okay. so. this is the prologue of a series very very dear to my heart that i've been working on for what it feels like my whole life but really it's been just a few months. but i'm in love with the story (which rarely happens with my own writing) so i hope you can enjoy it too !! this is also my very first time posting a fic since 2013 so pls keep that in mind <3 no i am not shaking as type this ofc not also: although i have the full story ready in my head, this is the only chapter that's written. i wanted to wait until i had at least a few ready before posting this but i'm too anxious for that lmao just saying this bc it will take a good while until i have any more chapters, so <3 (p.s.: i went over this thing a million times since may so if you find any errors pls look away, i'm not fixing this thing anymore. thanks <3)

another note: anna from the future here to say that i completely forgot about the playlist i made for the story lmao here it is in case you're interested k thanks bye <3

credits: title is from taylor swift's song right where you left me. model in the picture: paola locatelli. banner by me.

i also wanted to take a minute to thank some really nice friends that i've made here over these past few months & that i'm extremely grateful for @wastelandcth @suchalonelysunflower @littledrummerangie i cannot thank you babes enough for inspiring me the way that you do & for letting me yell about this to you && for encouraging me so much 🥺 i'll never be able to explain just how much this means to me, so i'll have to settle for saying thank you at any change that i can get <3 i love you all 💜 also gem my baby, thank you for the inspo with the banner 💚

@bluesdelis look babe i did it 😌 you know how grateful i am for you & for you letting me have a breakdown every week about my writing for the past 8 years so let's not dive into that or else i will write something bigger than this prologue jsjsjdjd love you 🖤

i hope you all have a good reading and a nice day ♡

let me know what are your thoughts about the fic ! ♡

word count: 4.1k

☆☆☆

Cold. That was the first thing that Olivia’s brain processed.

Still with her eyes closed, she buried herself more into the duvet, while her arm blindly reached for the furnace in human form that she calls boyfriend. However, as soon as her arm was only met with cold sheets, her eyes shot open.

Blinking the sleep away, she sat up on the bed, searching for the infamous red clock resting on Ashton’s bedside table that was supposed to look like a vintage alarm clock. Olivia had ordered it online at an auction website a couple of years back, as a gift for his 23rd birthday, since it was something he had mentioned multiple times prior that he was looking for, but still hadn't found. But when it finally came in (two weeks after the due date), it looked nothing like the picture she saw on the website. Feeling beyond frustrated, she wanted to send it back immediately and ask for a refund and maybe leave a not so polite review on the seller's page. But Ashton stopped her right away, laughing like the situation was absolutely hilarious to him, while saying, 'I like it, it’s quirky'. So, the clock stayed and found a home right next to him in their room.

Some days, however, she would wake up at some ungodly hour because of the blaring noise of the only ringtone the clock had. But whatever annoyance she could feel towards the object, it always vanished as soon as she felt Ashton's lips gently touching her face in a good morning kiss before he would get up to start his day, leaving her to catch some more hours of well deserved sleep.

As the furthest from a morning person as a touring musician could possibly be, Olivia had always feared that living under the same roof as Ashton would turn her into an early bird like him, but she's thankful that it never happened (not that he needs to know about that).

When she sees the red clock, she smiles at the sudden but welcome memories of them flooding her foggy brain, but frowns slightly when she realizes it reads 12:13 pm. Ashton rarely lets her sleep past 10 am.

Gathering all her strength and will, she rises up from the bed, smoothly picking up a grey wool sweatshirt from the chair (way too baggy on her slim body, but it smells like him), pulling it over her head and relishing on the soft material warming up her body. Making her way to the door and calmly going down the stairs, she can’t help but stop for a minute to admire the picture frames on their walls, one in particular catches her attention – probably one of the most prized pictures and memories they had. It felt older than it actually is, but it was around 4 years ago, she's sure – a little while after the two of them met. The picture was of their group of friends that still remains the same: Ashton and his best friend, Luke; Olivia, her best friend, Calum and their old hometown friend, turned into Calum’s new friend at college, turned into everyone’s friend, Michael; and her then newly band members, Suki, Eli and Ravi. Together, their group was the life of the party through all their college years, and it showed by the big smiles and drinks in hands they all had in the picture. It was a very special night, the first time Olivia’s little band played for the public – for a small audience sure, but it was a wonderful night nonetheless. What a long road it had been since that night.

Her nostalgic thoughts were interrupted by a shiver that went through her whole body, and it made her realize how oddly cold the whole house was, not only their bedroom. Which, granted, it was November in New York and the weather was just getting colder, but that’s exactly why Ashton always made sure to keep the house warm enough. As much as she loved the chilly season, the warm weather always reminded him of his hometown, and who was she to deny him that?

The smell of fresh made coffee could be sensed even before she reached the kitchen. Arriving there, the curly haired woman still found no signs of her boyfriend, so she went straight after the coffee maker pot sitting on the far left corner of the cream marble counter. Smiling softly at the tons of memories of Ashton's sleepy figure making their favorite beverage, she reached for a coffee mug on the cupboard on top of the counter and poured the remainder of the hot liquid on it (it's her favorite mug, if she must choose – it was a gift from a fan, and it had printed on it a collage of the pictures of her and Ashton that were posted on social media through their first year of relationship).

Moving to the glass doors that lead to the mini garden they cultivate, she didn't have to open them to spot the 6-feet-tall man sitting on a bench outside, looking oddly small in his oversized clothes, coffee mug tightly held between strong hands. Something about his figure made Olivia frown, however: he was staring with an unwavering look at her small but eye-catching pot of yellow daffodils that were almost as much of a pet to them as Stitch at this point. Sensing that there’s something definitely off about his semblance, she made a mental note to talk to him and find out what’s wrong later. So she goes back to the kitchen, knowing that he might need this quiet and private moment for himself.

She lost count of the minutes that went by (couldn't have been more than five) before she hears the garden's door opening and closing, and then his bare feet are dragging his brawny body to her. Except, he goes over to the sink, walking right through her, not showing any sign that he even saw her hunched figure over the counter table in the middle of the room.

Alright, someone's in a mood.

Olivia tries to swallow the annoyance already bubbling inside her – he knows how much she hates to be ignored, no matter how mad he might be – by trying to think of what she can say that won't piss him off. This is always a hard feat to accomplish when Ashton gets in these moods, but there’s a reason for them to work so well together.

“I missed my favorite body heater when I woke up,” she says in her best sweet voice, knowing how quickly his resolve crumbles when he hears that voice.

Still, no reaction.

That settles a worry at the pit of her stomach, because Ashton is never like this. Even when he's not in the mood to talk, he always gives some kind of reaction to her words; it doesn't matter how small, just enough to make her feel acknowledged.

When he's finished washing his mug and the few scattered dishes across the sink – she noticed that he already had lunch, if the lone plate in the drying rack is anything to go by –, he dries his hand in a towel, turns around and throws it on top of the same counter Olivia was leaning up against. Once again, he walks away not even sparing her a look.

Indignant, she leaves the now empty coffee mug on top of the table and follows him as he walks up the stairs, any determination to not aggravate his mood now well gone.

“Hey! In case you didn't notice, I'm right here. Whatever got you in this sour mood, I'm certainly not to blame, so can you stop being a child now and talk to me?!”

Ashton just keeps walking – more like sluggishly dragging his body – until he reaches their bedroom and suddenly stops just merely two feet inside the room, looking around with vacant eyes; like he was expecting to see something that wasn't there.

“Okay, that's really mature of you. Are you planning on ignoring me all day then?” Olivia questions exasperated, staring angrily at the back of his neck, where the condor tattoo lives – her favorite of his, but that sight doesn't bring her any peace today like it usually does.

Her glare only breaks when she hears the familiar sound of dog tags swaying on her right side. Shifting her gaze to the direction of the sound, Olivia notices Stitch, their small, black & white French bulldog – who she thought was outside in the garden – slowly trudging his way from around the bed until he stops at Ashton's feet, looking up at one of his humans with sad eyes. That realization only makes the worry in her stomach grow uncomfortably.

“Hi buddy,” Ashton's voice cracks a bit from the lack of use, but he smiles softly at the sweet dog, and crouches down to pet him.

Olivia can't help but gasp as she notices three things all at once that leave her overwhelmed: first, how she didn't even notice Stitch was in the room when she woke up – which never ever happens, in fact, most days he wakes her up whenever he deems her bedtime as finished and can't ever contain his excitement when she finally gets up; second, how the windows blinds are closed, which, again, rarely occurs under their roof, not if Ashton can help it. And third, how sad and melancholic the whole scene in front of her is – how sad and melancholic Ashton is. Pointless to say by now – that's also a very rare occasion.

A chill creeps up Olivia's spine, putting her body into high alert and also serving as a reminder of how everything looks out of place today. Trying to keep her head from spiraling down way too soon, she wraps her arms around herself and crouches down beside her two favorite boys, trying once more.

“Ash? Can you hear me?” even with her throat closing, she softly asks, purposefully putting her face in Ashton's point of view. Her only answer is the low whispers he's letting out to Stitch, while cradling the tiny dog in his arms, spreading gentle kisses on his head.

“I know, bud, I know. I miss her too,” is the only whisper she could understand and immediately wishes she hadn't. The weak wail that comes from Stitch's throat seems to fit perfectly with how the three of them feel.

Ashton then looks up and for a couple of seconds, and Olivia can swear he’s staring right into her eyes. But when he shows no reaction, she knows he’s just staring ahead and not at her, with that look that says there’s too much going on inside his head. She feels the urge to embrace him and get him to talk about whatever is on his mind, so they can share that weight like they always do, but when Ashton gets up from the ground and settles on the bed with Stitch, Olivia can physically feel the crack in her heart caused by the feeling she’s left with.

While Ashton is pulling the duvet over him and the dog, with clearly no intentions of getting up anytime soon, Olivia stands up on her feet with a new-found determination – she needs to figure out what the hell is going on.

This nightmare had to be just that, right? Nothing but a very vivid dream – she's had those before. Scary sure, but they always go away, and soon enough she's back into Ashton's arms, with Stitch jumping on the bed ready to lick their faces off. She just needs to wake herself up from whatever fucked up dream this is – right?

She's running down the stairs this time, frantically in search of something, of what exactly, she doesn’t know – but she knows she needs an answer. The more she looks for something, the more desperate she gets, not knowing what to look for. Then suddenly, something catches her eyes.

The white and blue calendar that's held up by magnets on the side of the fridge. She knows their calendar is red and yellow. They got it from their favorite flower market. Slowly, as if scared of what it might be there – “It's just a calendar, for fucks sake” – she approaches the damn thing. Upon inspection, she deems it as a normal calendar – she really doesn't know what she was expecting – until.

She knows what's wrong with it now.

It's November. She knows it, because the Asian and last leg of her first world tour is about to begin November 21st, eleven days from today. Right after Mike's birthday, she knows this.

Then why does the calendar say today is January 14th?

☆ ☆ ☆

Ashton woke up with a jolt. He quickly sat up, frightening the little Frenchie that was asleep right next to him on the bed. Trying to make sense of his surroundings, he roughly rubbed his face to get some sleep off of it and soon reached for the dog that was staring at him with sleepy but sad eyes. Ashton is sure Stitch understands far more than a dog is supposed to understand about their current situation.

The room is covered in shadows, almost pitch black, but he can see the sunlight even through the thick dark grey blinds covering up the windows. Ashton knows he won't be able to sleep again at that moment, so he gets up from the bed – much slower than he used to. His heartbeat is still out of control because of the nightmare that woke him up, but he can't bother to pay attention to it when Stitch is softly wailing beside him. Ashton lets out a ghost of a smile when the dog rests his head on his right upper thigh, looking up at him with an expression Ashton knows all too well.

“C'mon you little ravenous creature, let's feed you,” the bulldog excitedly jumps to the ground, already running his way down the stairs, not even waiting for Ashton to get up.

That gets a real smile out of him, but it vanishes as soon as he glances at the alarm clock on his bedside table. It reads 5:13 am, nothing out of the ordinary for him. But that small and inoffensive clock, with its red paint peeling off, holds a lot of memories for him. Memories that two months ago would bring joy to his heart, but now he almost wants to throw the object across the room.

It was a stupid thing, really. He had been wanting a vintage alarm clock and Olivia got one for his birthday. But the product they received was definitely not the one she bought, and if he's being honest, he didn't like it as much as he made out to. But seeing her so excited in the weeks before it arrived, and how disappointed she was when it did, he couldn't help but try his best to make her smile that luminous smile again. It's part of his nature by now.

That's also the reason why he lets her think that he doesn't notice when she wakes up at some ungodly hour (her words, not his) along with him, because of the annoying and only sound the alarm clock is able to produce. He always leaves soft kisses in every inch of bare skin he can find on her sleeping figure, so she goes back to the dream land and doesn't wake up before 10 am. No one wants to deal with that kind of bad humor, not even him.

As much as he likes being a morning person and absolutely enjoys her company in the mornings, he knows she'll take any and every extra hour of sleep she can get before starting the day. And that's why he loves that she's so stubborn that his early bird tendencies never got to her – he knows she feared that this would happen when they moved in together, but he met her like this, fell for her like this. He wouldn't change a single thing about her.

Ashton drags himself out of the bed, wincing slightly at how cold the wooden floors are under his bare feet. He doesn't bother putting some socks on, or a sweater – the cold weather in the house is uncharacteristically comforting to him. Nothing feels warm without her anyway.

While descending the stairs, he mentally curses himself for not being strong enough to look past the picture frames on the wall. One in particular catches his eyes – a picture from the night of Olivia's first concert with her band. The memories of that night are still painfully vivid in his mind: the laughter among their group that eventually infected everyone at the pub, Suki and Luke's first kiss and the silly smile that didn't leave his best friend's face all night, the standing ovation Olivia got after her three-songs set, and her captivating and breathtaking smile that made him realize right then and there, while watching her sway to the music, that he was definitely falling in love with her and there was nothing he could do to stop it – not that he wanted to.

So many memories held up on that wall, in the relatively short time since they met, that he can't help but wonder if that's all they'll get in this lifetime.

Ashton is abruptly taken out of his thoughts by Stitch's barks coming from the bottom of the stairs. He quickly jogs down the few steps left and goes straight after the dog's food in the kitchen's cabinet. After Stitch starts to happily devour his breakfast, Ashton goes to make his coffee, doing enough for two people like he always does, since Calum drops by most days for a chat or to drop Duke before going to work. Although all three of them know he just can't bother to make food for himself in the morning, while Ashton is the group's elected chef. Ashton always says he just needs a boyfriend – Olivia says Calum already has one who makes him breakfast every day.

He grabs an apple from the fridge and makes his way outside to their garden. Even though a lot of their memories took place there, the garden is the only space in the house where he doesn't feel like suffocating all the time. At least here, he can breathe some fresh air and look at the sky when he's feeling overwhelmed – which is basically all he's been doing for about a month now.

Yet, a lot of the garden has Olivia's name written all over.

He remembers vividly the day she came home after spending two weeks in LA doing some pocket shows, with a pack of daffodil seeds and the largest smile. She excitedly told him that a friend gifted it to her when she mentioned the little garden they were planning to build together at their new house. The friend told Olivia that daffodils symbolize rebirth and new beginnings, so as the good lover of symbolism that she is, Olivia loved the idea of having those flowers to symbolize their new beginning.

Ashton, on the other hand, wasn't a fan of the flowers at first – he just didn't see the appeal to them. But nonetheless, he indulged her, letting Olivia plant the seeds near the bench they used to sit during the quiet and unrushed afternoons, so they could admire the sunset, and she could happily look at the daffodils.

Pointless to say – the damn flowers grew on him.

Now, however, looking at them without Olivia and her contagious joy next to him, they were back to be as dull as they were before, if not more so.

Still lost inside his head without any sense of how much time went by since he sat down, Ashton doesn't hear the front door closing, and doesn't notice that he's no longer the only person inside the house until someone sits next to him on the bench. Yet, he doesn't show any sign of acknowledgement to them.

A few minutes go by before either of them speaks up.

“Luke said you didn't go to see her yesterday,” Calum starts softly, not wanting to disturb the calmness of the morning.

Ashton takes a few seconds to respond, “No point in doing that.” The black haired man licks his lips while thinking carefully about his next words.

“You know staying inside this house all day by yourself won't help either,” Calum turns his head to his left and takes a good look at Ashton's uncharacteristically hunched over figure, and immediately thinks that anyone can tell this man is not himself anymore. His second thought is that Olivia would hate seeing him like this.

“And what exactly do you expect me to do? Move on with my life like nothing happened? Like I'm not slowly and painfully losing the love of my life? Just because it’s easy for you doesn't mean it's easy for me.”

Calum closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He knows Ashton doesn't mean it, it's the anger and frustration talking. He knows it. Doesn't make it sting any less.

“I'm not telling you to move on with your life, because that's far from what I'm doing, and I certainly don't expect you to do it. I'm just saying you need to occupy your mind or else–”

“I'll go insane? Think it's a bit too late for that,” Ashton interrupts with a bitter tone that doesn't belong to his usual chirpy voice.

“You know it's not,” Calum sighs and drinks the rest of his coffee, moving his body slightly, so he's facing the blonde man, “I got a job interview for you at that school you talked about so much last summer, the principal said you can go any day this week. I went ahead and sent her your resume as well as explained everything that she needs to know about Olivia, so you don't have to. You just gotta put on some decent clothes and show up.” he sees Ashton's face softening a little and takes it as a victory. A few beats go by and then, “Maybe take a shower too. That's gonna make you feel better.” Calum leans in closer to his friend's personal space and takes a sniff, causing Ashton to deflect from him slightly, but not to push him away – another small win.

“Definitely take a shower, you stink. When was the last time your hair saw shampoo?”

“Fuck off,” is Ashton's only reply to the younger man's inquest. But Calum can see a smile creeping up on the blonde's face, which brings out a smile of his own.

“I'll send you all the details later today,” he checks the hour on the watch on his wrist and gets up, “Just please, Ash, go. I can't lose you too.”

Calum gently lays a hand on Ashton's shoulder and squeezes a little. The man doesn't look up, but gives a curt nod to his friend, who's satisfied enough. Calum stops on the threshold of the garden glass doors to give some kisses to Stitch – who came to make Ashton company as soon as he finished his food –, and then he puts the coffee mug on the dishwater. And soon enough, he's on his way out of the door. But not before snatching a tangerine from the fridge.

Ashton is left by himself once again. As he hears the sound of the front door closing, he thinks that this might be his life from now on. Just him and Stitch, trying their hardest to make it through another miserable day without the love of their lives. While everyone else comes by just to make sure he's still breathing. Breathing, maybe, but alive?

Swallowing the tears, he looks up at the sky. It's a deep, beautiful mix of orange, pink and blue, but he knows that it won't last long and soon the rain will be pouring down. He thinks about how much Olivia loves the rain.

God, he needs to pull himself together. She would hate to see him like this. Maybe he should take Calum's offer after all, he really needs to occupy his mind.

Making a mental note to thank Calum later, and also to apologize for how rude he was to him this morning, Ashton slowly gets up from the bench to put his mug on the sink and makes his way to the living room, with the small dog loyally following his every step. He puts on some cartoon that for once doesn't remind him of her (she always lovingly made fun of him for still watching those) and cuddles with Stitch on the couch. He can take a shower later.

Not half an hour goes by, he falls asleep and has a good dream for a change. He dreams of the days he spent with Olivia in the Philippines last February, right before her first world tour started. Some of the most magical days of their lives – surrounded by delicious food, a whole new culture to learn about and the warmth of the sun. Infinite counted days full of love and passion, where they were the only people in the world.

Even his subconscious knows to hold on to that brief moment of happiness, because he might never live that again.

[drabbleoclock]

Subtlety (Toya Todoroki AU P1)

Ok so this is an AU where Endeavor convinces Toya to give up his dream of becoming a hero so Dabi is never created. Also this is gonna be a two parter because I was inspired by this tik tok but I have not gotten to the part that actually inspired it yet, but this is getting kinda long so i'm just gonna make it a second part.

Anyway, I don't think there are any TWs in here, there are implied spicy times but nothing explicit. It's honestly just cute fluffy Toya.

Ok so I just went back and edited this and Idk why it keeps changing he to I in certain spots?? When I go to edit it and fix it, it is correct so I guess we just gotta live with it.

There were a few times Nozomi thought Toya might really like her. Of course she would never admit that she knew. She recalled his teasing when they had first started seeing each other, his taunts of "Don't fall in love with me now doll." ringing in her head as she caught the way he would look at her when she left after their first few nights together, a look of hidden disappointment.

The first time Nozomi questioned how he felt was when she first met his sister.

She had fallen against his chest, panting lightly, her fingers absentmindedly tracing the light burn marks on his arms. He chuckled, letting his head fall back against the pillows.

"You're way to good at that." He said, notably not taking his hands off of her hips.

"Well practice makes perfect right." She smirked back at him, lifting herself off of the bed and grabbing her clothes off of the floor.

"Hmm, I suppose so. When should we... practice again?" He asked, bending over her to grab his shirt from the floor, brushing his fingers over her hips. She smiled brightly making his heartbeat quicken. He willed it to slow, brushing it off as a result of their previous activity.

"Hmm, my roommate is going out of town next week, maybe you could pay me a visit?" Nozomi suggested pulling her shirt over her head and fixing her hair in the small mirror he had by his door.

"Can't wait, I'll walk you out." Toya smiled, holding the door open for the girl he thought was such a bad ass to walk through.

He had met Nozomi at a concert he had gone to see with some friends that ended up ditching him for some chicks that were smoking outside.

He had seen her across the room, her piercings glinting in the stage lights. She had tattoos up and down her arms that seemed to dance on their own as the girl moved. This confused and intrigued Toya greatly, he had never seen anything like it. He later found out this was an effect of her quirk, letting her tattoos move around her body freely. He gravitated toward the girl all night, not being able to stop himself from looking at her, imagining what she would be like with him. Eventually, after some crafty flirting, he found out.

Then found out a few more times.

"What a gentleman tonight." Nozomi teased placing a hand gently above her heart, pulling Toya out of his memory and walking through the door into the dark hallway.

"I do my best." Toya quipped back, resting his hand on her lower back as they walked to his front door. It was supposed to be a clear shot there, but Fuyumi had other plans.

She had seen the girl with her older brother a few times, more than he had brought any other girl around, and wanted to see what made this girl special to her brother, so she hid in the kitchen until she heard Toya try to sneak her out of the house.

Pretending she had just finished making her almost empty cup of tea, she walked out, feigning surprise as she "accidentally" bumped into the couple.

"Oh hello, you must be Nozomi, Toya has told me about you." Fuyumi said brightly, bowing slightly at the woman in front of her.

Toya groaned in annoyance as he tried to push his fling toward the door.

"Really?" She questioned, holding her ground intrigued by the statement. "All good things I hope."

"Oh yes, he talks about how 'surprisingly cool' you are." Fuyumi told her, quoting the words Toya had shared the other night when asked about the girl.

"You make it sound like I talk about her all the time. I don't." He cut in, pushing the girl harder now, trying to hide his pink cheeks in the dark of the hallway. "And I don't appreciate this ambush Yumi."

"Come on T, I wanna find out just how surprisingly cool I am." Nozomi teased, giving in and let herself be pushed to the door, waving at Fuyumi and laughing at his annoyed face as she went, the door closing quickly behind her with just a quick "see ya" from Toya who refused to let her see his flushed face.

That was the first time she suspected Toya might be catching feelings. Though admittedly a little pissed at the word surprisingly before the word cool in his description of her, she overlooked it not really caring too much what he thought of her. Not yet anyway.

The next time she suspected was a surprise to both of them. Nozomi's roommate had kicked her out of their shared apartment with only her backpack of personal belongings. She would have been fine with this had it not been for the group of thugs hanging around the building. They had taken her bag, wallet, phone, everything she had on her. Everything she had. Plus, to pour salt on the wound, had roughed her up a little when she tried to fight for her belongings.

She had put up a good fight but she was simply outnumbered and the heroes had long forgotten about her little corner of the city, deeming it beyond saving.

Not knowing where else to go, with no family or friends nearby, she went to the Todoroki household. She knocked on the front door, trying her best to get rid of any evidence of tears from her face. Shivering from the cold autumn night, she stood there waiting for anybody to answer the door.

Not much to her surprise, the girl she had met a few weeks ago stood before her. The woman, Fuyumi she remembered, was in a dressing gown, her white hair falling around her shoulders, the streaks of red popping in the moonlight.

Fuyumi was surprised to see the girl, especially in the state she was in. Her hair was a tangled mess, despite her attempts to comb out the knots as she walked, scraps and bruises littering her arms, and a few scraps on her face, a small trail of blood coming from where the small bit of metal went through her eyebrow. Nozomi loved every one of her piercings, but she did have to admit they were a bit of a disadvantage in a fight.

"Oh dear, are you alright? Come in, I'll go get Toya." She said, leading the girl to the living room, guiding her to sit on one of the pillows on the floor. "I'll get the first aid kit as well." Fuyumi muttered already headed down the hall to Toya's bedroom.

Toya had thought Fuyumi was messing with him, telling him his girlfriend was hurt in the living room. He laughed when she had said it, telling her he did not have a girlfriend, that he wasn't the type, but his sister just sighed and put on her best mom voice, demanding that he go into the living room.

So he did, strolling into the living room with his hands in the pockets of his pajama pants, not quite sure what to expect.

It certainly wasn't what he found. While she was definitely not his girlfriend, she was the closest thing he has ever had to one.

"What the hell happened to you?" He asked nonchalantly, taking his hand out of his pocket to motion to her face, an anger forming in his chest that contradicted the calmness of his voice.

"A lot." Nozomi answered, trying to swallow the sobs that threatened the back of her throat. "Let's run through my night. First, Kita kicked me out and I don't she her letting me back in. Then, some assholes tried to take my bag. When I fought back for it they took my phone and smashed it up, leaving me with absolutely nothing to my name, and nowhere to go. And now I'm here, unexpectedly dropping all of this shit on you, someone who has no reason to deal with all of my shit," Nozomi hickuped, letting the tears and the sobs she had been holding in all night out. "I'm so sorry, I just didn't know where else to go." She finished putting her head in her hands, trying not to let him see her in such a fragile state.

Toya didn't know what to do. He wanted to tell her it was fine, that she could stay as long as she needed to, but he knew that if his father found out she was here it... Wouldn't be good. He wanted to hug her, tell her that he would help her figure it out, but his body just stood there unmoving.

Thankfully Fuyumi was back, carrying the first aid kit that was usually stashed in the bathroom. She stopped by Toya, pushing the first aid kit into his hands and giving him a small push toward the crying woman.

"She's your friend so you can clean her up. I'm going back to bed." She said, already walking down the hallway to her room before there could be any protests.

"Right, lets get you cleaned up then." He said, kneeling beside the woman he had seen just a few nights ago. He remembered her smile then, how it made the corners of his own mouth twitch up. It was completely contagious, he wanted to see it now, he imagined how beautiful it would look in the moonlight.

He mentally cursed himself for the thought. Maybe Fuyumi was right, maybe he did like this girl, but now was far from the time to dwell on that.

"I hope you at least got a few good licks in." He joked ,desperate to make her stop crying. He moved her hands from her face and wiped the tears that were falling before bringing a soft, wet cloth to her brow, washing away the blood that had dried there.

"I think I at least broke one nose." Nozomi replied, a playful smile dancing on the corner of her lips. Her face was still sad but there it was, as beautiful as he knew it would be. Toya's cheeks warmed as he tried to focus on cleaning Nozomi's wounds.

"You can stay here, at least for a few days. Endeavor is out of town so it shouldn't be too much of a problem." Was his reply, returning to reality and turning his face into an uncaring mask, the one he always hid behind when faced with new feelings.

"Thank you." Was the only reply he got, Nozomi trying to read why he had suddenly dropped his own beautiful smile as she wrapped herself in a hug, trying to warm herself up.

Nozomi thought she might know why. She knew she was breaking down his walls, knew that he was trying to put them back up around himself, she just didn't know why, not for sure anyway. She figured, in the way he called his father Endeavor, in the way his voice grew darker and more stern when talking about him. It was the way she referenced her own family.

She didn't really want to think about it, and knew he certainly didn't want to talk about it so she just left it alone. It wasn't really her place to poke into his personal life anyway. She was just a booty call after all, well that's what her mind told her anyway. Deep down she knew, knew that something was growing, a bond that would soon be stronger than anything the two of them had ever had.

"Here." Toya said stripping his sweatshirt off (an Endeavor hoodie with crude sharpie marks) and pushing it into her arms. "You're shivering."

"Thank you. For everything." She whispered, bringing the sweatshirt over her head.

"Don't mention it. Now, I'm going to bed. You're welcome to join me of course." He said, getting up and walking back towards his room, Nozomi hot on his heels.

That night they shared a bed together, for the first time just sleeping. Her arms wrapped tightly around him as her head rested on his shoulder. His arm wrapped around her shoulders, his other hand resting under his head.

He hardly slept that night. He kept getting distracted by her, the way her mouth fell open slightly, the way she moved when she breathed, everything about her was intoxicating to him, and honestly it terrified him.

[etlunainmorte]

✒ P.S. I Love You ✒

***

VI

***

"So, how did your first night go?" Avery mildly asked later that same morning in the dining hall as all the occupants of the room enjoyed their fluffy pancakes, maple syrup, and coffee.

To this question, V carefully placed (Y/N)'s diary on top of the table, hoping Avery would recognize it.

"What's that?" Nico asked with her mouth full of those fluffy pancakes as she pointed at the leather - bound book with her fork.

"I believe this,... belongs to someone you know,... Ms. Avery." V simply answered as his peripheral vision landed straight onto Griffon as the demonic bird slyly landed on Roman's chair, probably with the full intention of terrorizing the man once more.

Avery's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she took the book from the table and examined it. "This looked super old." She opened it, and upon reading the words on the first page of the journal, her eyes widened like saucers. "Damn! I thought this thing's lost! Like, what the fuck!"

"My love, what is it?" Roman curiously asked as he leaned closer to her to see what was written on the journal. At the same time Griffon managed to steal one of his pancakes.

Avery focused her gaze on V, looking really baffled, and yet, happy at the same time. "This belongs to my great grandmother who died at 1899. You see, there was, how should I say this,... ?" She mused aloud as the others, especially V, waited for her answer. She pursed her lips, her fingers drumming on the table, and looked at them once more. "Something huge, like, really huge, happened here on that year, and I believe it was the cause of her death. You see, she passed away at the very young age of nineteen."

"What happened to her?" V, who was so shocked upon learning that the girl he saw - that radiant and lovely and happy girl he just saw - died that young, asked, his voice a bit unintentionally louder than he liked.

"I'm not sure, really. Some say she died of childbirth. Some say she died of an illness. I even heard some relatives say she died due to heart attack. The only thing I could remember was: every time I ask my relatives about it, there would always be a different version of how (Y/N) (L/N) - Lancaster died. And this thing?" Avery declared as she showed them her ancestor's diary. "It's thought to be lost. Either stolen by one of the Lancaster servants on the day she died or lost in a fire. But, you found this, V. What a strange coincidence!"

"I did. Yes." The poet uneasily answered due to the fact that the things around this house were really turning too mysterious for his own liking,...

... and due to the fact that Griffon was now happily lapping away at Roman's coffee, and no one even noticed, or they're just playing ignorant about it to not make Avery's soft Hispanic fiancé upset.

"Where did you find this?"

"At the room on the second floor. The one from the left."

"Hmm." Avery hummed as she closed the book shut. "That one from the left? That's very strange." She uttered, then slid the book back to V, who received it with much care and pride like a veteran soldier receiving a medal for his years of services. "Well, I'm not really a diary kind of person, and it's useless to me, anyway, so, you can have it. Nothing's written on it, anyway. Except for her name, that is."

"For real?" Nico asked, intrigued at what she just heard from Avery. "Like, nothing at all?"

"Yep."

"V?"

The poet obliged and opened the book. He browsed and re - browsed the pages and found nothing, except for (Y/N)'s name at the first page, and the date she wrote it.

May 1, 1898

V ignored the fact that he certainly saw (Y/N) write something in it on that weird vision he saw last night and turned his attention back to the group. Maybe she ripped the pages she wrote on or something?

"Ms. Avery, would you kindly tell me about these,... strange occurrences,... you've been experiencing as of late?" V asked, carefully choosing his words while trying to ignore Griffon as the bird ate one more of Roman's pancakes.

"Ah, yes. The ghost." She answered, emphasizing on the word, ghost. "If you want, I'll show you something first, then I'll tell you everything I know."

"Of course." V agreed as he stood up and finally gave Griffon, who successfully consumed Roman's entire breakfast, the subtle angry eye.

"What in the world?!" Roman gasped as he finally noticed his breakfast, or lack, thereof. Griffon simply flew away from him with what sounded like a strange and, yet satisfied, cackle.

A few moments later, all four of them found themselves in the music room that also served as the mansion's library, and as V glanced at the whole place, and the shelves upon shelves of old books, not to mention the grand piano in the middle of the massive room, with much wonder in his eyes, he could not help but smile to himself. The whole house may feel depressing and both physically and emotionally draining but, this place? V felt happy, or giddy, in it, as a matter of fact. Excited, even. Almost as if he was in an entirely different place, altogether.

It's as if what's left of the happiness, or positive energy, in this house were all concentrated in this area, and this area alone. Particularly on that old, grand piano. Yes. He could definitely feel it.

But, why?

"I stay in here whenever things in this house get too scary." Roman admitted to him with a sheepish smile, probably in admittance that he's not the bravest soul around. "When things get too much around here, I go to this room, lock the door, and read something." Roman chuckled as he scratched his temple and gestured at the grand piano. "I can't play the piano but, I'd really like to learn how. Avery can't really teach me, to be honest."

"Well, I'm right here if you need some musical assistance." V graciously offered.

"Wait, are you serious?!"

But only as compensation for being terrorized by this little Demon. "I' am."

"Gracias! I mean, thanks!"

"No problem."

"Over here!" Avery called from the farthest corner of the room. "Here's a portrait of my great gran."

In his eagerness to see (Y/N) as a portrait, V practically rushed to where Avery was. He wanted so much to see the happy and infatuated girl in that vision he had. He wanted so much to see her infectious smile, those shiny and bouncing (H/C) curls, the twinkle in her eyes.

Yes. Those big and beautiful (E/C) eyes,...

However, the smile on V's face vanished as soon as he laid eyes on (Y/N)'s portrait.

"Ah, she looks,... kinda sad?" Nico muttered as she looked up at the portrait of the Lancaster matriarch.

It was true. The girl that V saw and the girl in this portrait,...

... they looked very different. It was like they were a different person. For the once cheerful and radiant girl full of life,...

... was somehow depicted as a sorrowful woman without even a hint of a smile. That youthful face he once saw has seemingly aged a few decades, and those radiant eyes that captured his undivided attention looked dull and hopeless. Those plump, cherry - colored cupid lips turned into one thin, emotionless line, and her flushed cheeks turned hollow and ill - looking. The positive aura she gave off was absent in her frigid state, and the healthy color of her skin has become noticeably pale. And probably the most important of all: the girl he saw may only be wearing a simple white dress but, her beauty and charisma outmatched that of the matriarch's in the portrait, who sported the high fashion of the late 1800s from head to foot.

She really looked entirely different.

V's eyebrows furrowed and his lips went down to a frown at the sight.

What made her into this,... ?

Avery cleared her throat and gestured at the painting as if she was introducing them to a real person. "I'd like you to meet gran. Lady (Y/N) (L/N) - Lancaster." She sighed and dropped her arms. "Honestly though, Roman is right. This room is the safest place in this house. Anywhere else, you'll just end up either depressed, if you aren't already, or badly injured or wounded. Things don't just float around here. They'll float, then land straight to your face without a warning if you're not careful. The last six helpers I have left this place with all kinds of bruises and wounds on their body, even injuries like broken bones. And they all blamed that one ghost who resides within those rooms on the right side of the second floor."

That's where I first checked until that specter led me to (Y/N)'s room. "What's in those rooms?" V questioned her.

"Just an old bedroom and two study rooms. Nothing too important."

"I see." V answered. He, then, crossed his arms over his chest and regarded Avery very, very seriously. "Have you, perhaps, felt something else in it? A strong feeling? Anything at all?"

Roman and Nico watched the woman as she crossed her arms, herself, thinking deeply about the question. At the same time, V's trusty familiars, Griffon and Shadow, grabbed this opportunity to snoop around the area, particularly the shelves and the grand piano in the middle of the room.

"Now that you mention it, yes, I have!" She finally answered. "The last time I slept in one of those rooms, I felt,... sad and super tired. Like I wanted to end my own life! But, I know myself. I'm stronger than that. So, I moved my things to the first floor right next to this room. I may have acquired a bruise and some scratches during my sleep on the second floor but, I don't care. My great gran has protected me since I moved down here."

Roman smiled at his fiancé and wrapped her in a gentle embrace as he planted a kiss on top of her head. And the tender gesture displayed by the two kind of embarrassed both V and Nico, who looked away just in time when Avery reciprocated with a kiss.

"So, we would really appreciate it if you could get to the bottom of this mystery for us." Avery pleaded with a tone unlike the one she used the first time V met her. "If you want to ask any questions, or want to ask for any kind of thing at all. Please. Don't hesitate to let us know. Your presence alone means a lot to me and Roman. Thank you for coming here, V and Nico."

Nico smiled and nudged V with an elbow. "Sure. We don't want a ghost crashing on your wedding day, after all. Isn't that right, V?"

The poet only smiled as he simply nodded, his peripheral vision catching sight of his familiars already waiting for him near the piano, signaling to him that they have found a sort of clue.

After all, they would need all the clues, and help, they could get.

A restless and violent spirit that has the ability to manipulate things and hurt people.

That strong feeling of depression that could overwhelm anyone into committing suicide.

That one room on the left, and those three rooms on the right.

The huge time skips when he visited certain parts of the house.

This one safe room.

That strange journal he found.

The (Y/N) he saw on the vision.

And the (Y/N) that was depicted in the painting.

Not to mention her alleged "protection" to anyone who came into this room.

Many things don't add up. The scattered and unreliable information provided by Avery's relatives regarding the Lancaster matriarch's death and the things that took place in this house in the late 1800s, Maria and her enigmatic statements, that strange boy, that veiled ghost,...

... and (Y/N)'s drastic change to that unspeakable being of hopelessness,...

V has to stitch them all up and find more clues, and he truly hoped that Avery or Nico could help him solve this mystery.

But, first, he has to speak with his familiars about that thing they just found.

And maybe scold Griffon for stealing the red handkerchief from Roman's pocket just now,...

***

✒ @la-vita and @micaelagua . ✒

***

✒✒✒

***

[curry-coatl]

MY OPINION ON MADE IN ABYSS SO FAR BECAUSE IM BORED AND I WANNA TALK ABOUT SHOWS N STUFF I LIKE

Ok so i am fully caught up with the manga now and i wanted to talk abt it, maybe i'll do smth similar with other shows and stuff i like because i dunno it's fun to do.

Spoiler warning eep oop

Ok so lemme start with the anime (only season 1 is out atm):

I absolutely adore it. The secenery iss stunning and mmmmh the music holy badoly it slaps. Everything gives you this sense of longing and adventure which, well is the whole point of it. Just as the cave raiders are sucked into the abyss by sheer curiosity and a longing for the unknown so was i. The animation is really neat, and i don't think there was a single point while watching where i was bored or distracted (which is rare for me ngl). I really enjoyed most of the voice acting aswell, and oompf. They delivered in atmosphere. I mentioned the sense of adventure and longing but the emotional/painful scenes are so so immersive. Lemme tell you i didn't cringe and feel with a character this hard in a long time. The whole thing with Mitty loosing her humanity and Nanachi finally being able to kill her to save her dignity was extremely sad.

Overall i adored it, and i think it does almost everything right. Obvsly it's not perfect, nothing is, but i'd say as an adaptation it is amazing.

Ok so now the 3rd movie. Basically it's like madoka magica as in there are 2 movies that are a recap of the whole show and a 3rd one that is a continuation (ok with pmmm its a bit wonky as to wether or not it's canon but with the mia one it is)

Hmm i'm very mixed tbh. So the movie encompasses about 12 chapters of the manga i think. Basically, i feel like it should have been a bit longer. But i also feel like that would have made it boring.

I was very confused at somw parts but now that i read the manga i think i get it.

Bondrewd is a strange one. My friend said he was dissappointed because he heard he's gonna be a terrifying villain but he didnt find him that way at all.

And indeed he was a lot nicer than i thought he was gonna be. But obviously he's not nice and fucked up what the fuck. I feel like they left out a few details from the manga which led to some parts being a bit outta nowhere/confusing...

But in the end Bondrewd is pretty creepy considering everything. I just don't fully understand how Nanachi kinda forgave him in the end??? Like, yeah he's praising them and is really nice to them but??? Come on?? Did they forget about Mitty? I...can someone exblain i genuenly don't understand how Nanachi could be so okay with it.

Uh but the animation and music are god tier once more.

Ok so now about made in abyss in general/the manga:

I adore the story. In the end it's, well, an adventure anime but the setting and story make it so very unique. The worldbuilding is great and hrrng i adore the creature and character designs a lot. There obviously is a lot of thought and care put into this.

I love the concept of ascending from thee abyss being harder and harder the further down you go. Yes, they're going on this adventure to the bottom of the abyss, but you also can't help to be kinda sad about the fact that they'll never be able to go up again.

I love the characters, a lot of them are pretty unique. Speaking of them, lemme go over some of them:

Riko: Ok so she's the MC and tbh. She's adorable, and i think the best choice for a main character. She's adventurous, eager to learn and find out more about the abyss. She knows a lot and is smart, but since she's a child also naive and well, kinda weak physically because she's just a human child.

Reg: Reg is wholesome but i'm kinda conflicted about him. Like i certainly don't dislike him but as someone in the manga said: He's kind of like a dog. I don't think he's a bad character but i'm not the biggest fan of "i need to protect you" characters if that makes sense?? Also some of the running jokes are kinda dumb ngl

Nanachi: Mmh i love floofy bunny. They are pne of my fave characters design whise. I also adore how they are a lot more knowlegable and less naive despite probably being kinda stuck looking like back when they became a Narehate.

Ozen: I love. Her. Hhhhhhh tall woman go brrr. She is irredeemably bad. You could mark it off as very tough love but let's be honest it's a little too tough even for that. She's a white whistle and honestly? I love how they've been portrayed so far. While they are national Legends, being able to go down as deep into the abyss as they please and enduring horrible challenges, they're not portrayed like heroes or nice people. Because let's be honest even if you're a 2m tall lady who can pulverize rock you 1. Still will get a mental toll from all the things that go down in the abyss and the pain from ascending and 2. I doubt you'd come far if you just were a nice, fair and friendly person.

That said, the only thing i don't like abt her is how she's portrayed a bit too sadistic towards children in the small side comic strip thingies. Like jeez i know it's supposed to be comedy but come on.

Ozen looks rlly cool tho and her design slaps so much, i also love how women and men aren't really seen as different too much as in who can and can't become a good cave raider.

Also i love her VA like the deep voice thing? Also her back? That's kinda funny and it adds smth to her design and character when she's just hunched over like some vulture.